Im alive, and kickin. Just having a dry spell with my words...havent gotten any inspiration lately. It will come, it always comes.

Anyways, only 4 more days until my big 1 6 birthday. Then I get my permit. I accidently saw an invitation to my surprise party. heh. Atleast it will still be slightly a surprise- I dont know the where, when, or who. YEAHYAH! You're all invited!!!

I wore a dress yesterday. Yes. me. It was me! Wearing a dress. Please dont faint. :) It was for a Sports Banquet, and I won an award for something in Tennis, dont remember what though. That reminds me, my "guest" still has my gatorade clothe band thinger that i won. Thefter.

Later days
-alissa-

  I will admit, sometimes I get a little caught up in my Jesus Bubble fantasy. Church, christian school, home. Church, bible study, discipleship class, christian school, christian radio. You might know what I'm talking about.
   Then today for my bible class we got an assignment to go out with a partner onto a few of the close street blocks and give a survey to the people we encountered. The survey had questions like this:
    -Do you believe in a being greater than yourself
    -What do you call this being
    -How do you think we can reach this being
    -If you were to die today, where would you go
    -Who is Jesus Christ to you.

   POP. My bubble popped. People were actually quite honest in answering, and didnt try to feed me dry religious crackers. As I recorded answers like "I think I would go to hell, Im a pretty bad person," "I dont believe in anything," "Jesus was just a good guy," I realized that everyone doesnt share the same hunky dory beliefs that I have. That there are people out there, alot of them, that have no hope for themselves. They think that they are just going to hell because they are a bad person, or they arent sure that you CAN know that you will go to heaven. Some of them really didnt even know what they believed. They contradicted themselves by saying  there wasn't a god, yet when asked who Jesus christ was, said "God." 
    People are walking down the streets of my city who dont know Jesus, or are questioning what the whole God thing is about. Someone asked me that if they became a christian, would it be ok for them to still research other religions. It was like they thought that once you became a christian you had to just be it, other religions where off limits to talk about. I said it was more than ok. I do it. Knowing about these people makes my heart break for the lost. I want to talk about Jesus with people I meet on the streets now.   
      There was this one young lady who started talking about what a jerk her father was. He had taken her to church when she was younger but now since she has grown up, he has become terrible, and has walked away from God. She said that that caused her to also walk away from God. The girl was hurting. Seriously, she was sadly disclosing her personnal life to us. I wish I had asked her if I could pray for her. I wish I would have reached out to her and told her that Jesus- all the love in the world rolled up into one dude- hurt with her and wanted to heal her wounds.
     
      My Jesus Bubble doesnt think about the people across the street working at the DMV, or the searching clerk at the scrapbooking store. It doesnt think about strangers who are hurting because there fathers were jerks.   Well, it might, but it doesnt walk the streets in search of them. It stays on its own little floating path, probably on its way to another Bible study.                                                     

       Now Im not dissing Bible studies, or church or christian schools, but sometimes we need to reacquaint ourselves with reality- that there are people out there who dont know Jesus, dont know why He's so special, or are just plain old hurting. And its our job to go and meet these people, introduce ourselves and talk about the spiritual.

-alissa-                                                                                    

   Hey I created a message board for kids who go to christian schools. I figured that we never really connect with each other across the city/state/country, so heres a place to go:

   http://christianschool.kazorum.com/christianschool.html

   Whoa, sorry for the delay everyone.....

    I was at a academic competition yesterday, 2 hours away from home. And two of my good friends really upset me. It was the most upset I've ever felt I think. Like my heart jumped into my throat, and my stomach dropped all the way down, at the same time. I didnt outwardly express my feelings to a large extent, but in my head I wanted to just ditch them both forever or cry. Maybe both. At the same time.
   It happened 2 seconds before we got in the van and left to come home. I got in, sat in the back and stared out the window. I was thinking about how I should respond. Yell at them back at school, diss them on the way back, or just let them know that what they did really hurt me. But something inside of me told me to forgive them. And I didnt want to. It would be hard. And I was hurt. Everything in me wanted to make them feel what I felt.
   But I lifted my eyes to God and silently asked Him in a strained thought to change my heart. And then I made a choice and told God I forgave them. It was hard. One of the hardest things Ive ever done. Once I made the choice to forgive, most of the difficult work was done.
   During the van ride home I was still struggling with letting it go. And I didnt make eye contact with them back at school. But my attitude towards them was different. It was off my back.
   Im telling this story because unconditional forigveness is something I definitely struggle with. What happened to me yesterday seemed like an oddly timed spiritual breakthrough.
 
   "or if we have been united together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin. For he who has died has been freed from sin."    Romans 6:5-7


The old carnal man in me really wants people to pay for what they've done. It wants to be resentful and hold it against them until pigs fly. It desires to stay in the bondage of emotional confusion and manipulation.
   But this awesome God I serve sent His son down to earth to mass murder carnal men. Including mine. So my new spiritual man has the power. He's struggling, fighting with every step he takes, but with each step he's also getting stronger. And yesterday, this new spiritual man whiped out his sword and said "I forgive you."

    Another long quick week. I did really good in tennis today. But theres this thing in the scoring where if you tie, you go add in or add out, and then you have to play for like 18 more serves until someone wins. Its really confusing, and weird. And I think the person who invented that last set of scoring was on some sort of depressant or something. Anyways, I kept tying with the other person, and on the last serve, they would get the point and win. So I only beat 1 person today out of like 10. I personally think there should be some sort of prize when you tie, like a half point or something, I dunno.
    Did anyone go to a National Day of Prayer service today? I did. The mayor was there. yeay! It was also quite inspirational as well.

I have some inspirational, revolutionary thoughts to share, but I have to go get dressed and then go to church to help set up a rummage sale to raise money for the missions trip. So I will prolly share them with you tomorrow afternoon. :)

Adios
-Alissa-
btw- i was on the radio today! thats right! it was exciting!


HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!

 

[growing exhaustedly constant
after this roller coaster of emotions
just cant help it,
my cheeks have flooded like an ocean
only im invisible
so nobody can see
that im not invinceable
lay down my head and just go to sleep.]


Wrote this today. I havent written a poem in a long time. It kinda of feels good. And It perfectly describes my day. Although I dont know if anyone else will understand it. You can guess if you want, but that would be weird, although slightly interesting.

adios
-alissa-

       A few months ago I prayed and asked God for leadership and growing experiences/opportunities to come my way. And they have. And they kept coming and coming. Youth Group Leadership, Bible Course at church, Youth Unity Rally Leader, Social Committee, Tennis, etc etc. And I seemed to join them all. I thought to myself, oh I have the time, I can make the time! I was so excited about serving God through these things that I think I got a little carried away.
     That was about a month ago. Right now I have huge dark cirlces under my eyes, I am exhausted, and havent had a real conversation with Jesus in about a week. My grades are slowly on a downward slide, I am just plain worn out. And I hardly think this is how God wants me to be living.
    A story from Luke comes to mind:

   "As they continued their travel, Jesus entered a village. A woman by the name of Martha welcomed him and made him feel quite at home. She had a sister, Mary, who sat before the Master, hanging on every word he said. But Martha was pulled away by all she had to do in the kitchen. Later, she stepped in, interrupting them. "Master, don't you care that my sister has abandoned the kitchen to me? Tell her to lend me a hand."
The Master said, "Martha, dear Martha, you're fussing far too much and getting yourself worked up over nothing. One thing only is essential, and Mary has chosen it--it's the main course, and won't be taken from her.""
                        -Luke 10:38-42 .The Message.-

   Martha was so excited that Jesus was in her house! She went about busying herself with making dinner and cleaning, things she thought would please him. And she gets upset at Mary who is just sitting there next to Jesus, having a conversation with him. I bet she was thinking things like:
     "Oh my gosh, I am doing so much, and mary isnt doing anything, I hope Jesus notices."
     "I cant believe Mary, cant she see that I am doing the important work, and shes not even helping!"
 
 I know these are the types of things I think when I am so busy that I dont have time to sleep. 
     "Cant anybody see that I am making the real difference by being involved in all of these activities!"
     "How can people just sit around when theres organizations to join and work to do!"
But you know what? I am wrong. Its totally not cool to be so busy that I cant spend time with God anymore. Jesus corrects Mary in her thinking by telling her the exact opposite of what shes doing. He tells her that Mary is actually the one in the right. Shes just sitting near Him and soaking it all up. Shes just near him. 
    I hardly doubt that all those activities and such are godly activities. But its not cool to be involved in them all. I think that God sent a few my way to get hooked up with, but wanted me to use my head and say no to a couple. Or maybe He knew I would say yes, and wanted to teach me something. Its hard for me to imagine myself just sitting by Jesus, and not doing something for Him, but if He says that life will come from just being near him and listening, then I am going to try to quit a few things.

wanting God to move in your life and in my life, your humble friend named
                         -alissa-


   


 

 "Hi Jesus, Today was an okay day. I am disappointed in myself though because I studied really hard for a test and only got an 80% on it. I saw a quote about striving for the excellent not perfection, and that really touched me. Jesus, well, you know how I can get on myself for doing "bad" on something. I need help realizing that that 80 was excellence for me. I tried hard and did my best. And thats what I came up with. Please help me to learn to be content with myself, the gifts and talents youve given me. "
  
  "Jesus, thank you for doing such awesome things in my highschool. Thank you for giving me the awesome privalege to go there, and to be able to pray in class, and have chapel services where we can learn about you and worship you in song. I know we are still very weak in some areas. Please forgive our weaknesses and make us stronger. I thank you that every student is placed there for a reason. And I thank you that you will carry out that purpose in them. "
   "I pray for the President. I know alot of people dont support him, but then there are alot that do. I know that you appoint and take down every single political leader. I ask that you give President Bush the wisdom and knowledge to run this fabulous country. Give him a hedge of protection from the bad guys. Put people around him that can mentor him and build him up."

   

"God given ideas of blessing other people are the best." -lindsay:)


    My friend just came to me with a brilliant idea. Ok. In english class, my teacher told us of a lady whose having problems with her gaulbladder and such, and shes pregnant and all. It was a serious ordeal. We've been praying for her for a weekish. Yesterday she had surgery, and the baby ended up being fine and all, which is awesome. God is awesome!
   But this is the idea, she said that our class should like get her a card, write some verses in it, tell her we are praying for her, and then get her a $50 Tops gift card. Isnt that cool? Just a simple way of blessing someone. Im really excited. We are going to talk to the teacher tomorrow to see what she thinks about it.
   This is an awseome way of sharing Gods love with others. And despite the fact we dont even know this lady, or we dont know if she has accepted Jesus as her saviour, this is a neat way to bless someone.
    Im just so excited I cant contain my glee right now. So I apologize for my rambling, and encourage you all to do something today for someone. Slip a couple of bucks in someones locker with a note telling them that Jesus loves them. You dont even have to know whose locker it is. Carry an old lady's grocery bags. Watch your neighbors kids for a night for free while they go out. Pray silently thoughout the day for someone you know is struggling. Do something kind. Follow the example of my friend and just listen to God, and if it seems to ridiculous, do it anyways.
    God Bless you, have a marvelous rest of the day and see ya later aligator!
(tennis is a fun sport, you should join!)
-alissa-

I stood up for what i believed today. There were two kids sitting in the seats behind me talking like perverts so i loudly told them 
"why dont you please stop talking like that." heh. and they hated me for it. they were probably embarrassed because it was a "silent" study hall. i even heard them talking about me in lunch today. I was not going to let all that unwholesome talk come out of their mouths any longer. for heavens sake, we go to a christian school! It was really nasty language. .


.........Just a little blurp of my day.
-alissa-